Beautiful weather = a great day to ride bikes and frolic in a meadow (and practice taking drone footage).
Now to the King
This was the first song I ever wrote back in 1988. It has been my "go to" song when I begin my personal prayer and praise time ever since. I pitched it quite low so I could sing all four parts without hurting myself!
NOW TO THE KING ETERNAL, IMMORTAL, INVISIBLE, THE ONLY GOD, BE HONOR AND GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. ~ 1 Timothy 1:17
Where is Church?
When I got my kids and their neighborhood friends together to make this video last year, I did not think to add “online church” into the mix. I suppose we can make a Coronavirus version sometime. It is, however, a great time to remember that “church” is wherever two or more are gathered in Jesus’ name! Enjoy!
The Acceptable Sin? [WORRY]
“Stop sinning.” My friend, a lawyer who follows Jesus, shocked me with his response when I shared about my worries. I was changing jobs, stepping out in faith and starting a new organization from scratch. I shared that I was concerned about our families finances through this transition and a litany other very understandable stressors, all things considered. “Worry is a sin,” he said and then repeated, “stop sinning.” Now, I know this man. I know his love for Jesus and love for me, but I was not expecting this. I was expecting what we all do when someone is worried - a pat on the back, a “there, there”, a “it’s going to be okay”.
“Uh, . . . a sin?” was my eloquent response. He continued, “Well, Jesus says "don’t worry." We are told elsewhere in the Bible not to worry. Do you think it is part of God’s plan for you?"
I have been chewing on that thought for over two years now. I have come to realize that our culture is obsessed with worry and stress. We seek out things to twist our stomach into knots.
We are busy. We have lots of responsibilities. We are stressed out. We worry about our kids. We worry about our job. We worry about our health. We worry about worrying too much. We worry about what to wear. We are worried about our financial security, our country, our privacy, our safety. We worry about what is being posted on social media. We are worried about our world. The list goes on and, when we are feeling especially spiritual, we are worried about all of the lost of the world.
Worry, worry, worry. Even believers seem to wear it as a badge of honor.
This is not a new thing. Jesus addresses this while teaching on the mountain. He had been talking about what we value and treasure and whether you can serve God as well as devote yourself to money. You can’t, by the way. He then says quite clearly, “Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life.”
Wait, if you cannot worry about your very life, what else is there to worry about? See what Jesus says:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Matthew 6:25-34 [NIV]
Good word, Jesus! But you don’t really mean it, do you? A life without worry is impossible, right?
Yes, it is impossible just like not being angry with a brother who wrongs you (Mt. 5:22) or staying away from lust (5:28). It is impossible like turning the other cheek (5:39), loving your enemy (5:44) or simply letting your “yes” be “yes” and your “no, no” (5:37). Not to mention being "perfect as your heavenly father is perfect.” (5:48)
These and many more things are impossible for us. Jesus knows this, and yet he does not lower the bar. This is why His teaching was so radically different, like someone with “real authority, not as the teachers of the law.” [Mt. 7:29] The teachers in Jesus day spent their time dealing with external superficial things that could be controlled. They knew their own hearts were full of anger, lust, bitterness and anxiety so why would they preach against themselves? They knew they had no power to overcome these things as well. So they deflected. They hem-hawed. They white-washed.
Jesus was different. SO different. He came with incomparable love yet seemingly laid impossible expectations before us. How is that loving? Isn’t that a recipe for disappointment and frustration and, yes, more worry?
No, not with Jesus. He knew quite clearly that these things are impossible for us. That NOT SINNING is a standard we are unable to live out in our own strength. That is why He came! That is why He made such a radical sacrifice of Himself. He not only taught with authority, He bought it with His blood. He overcame death and gained back ALL authority in heaven and earth. This is what He offers us: authority over sin, even the impossible ones like anger and lust.
…and even the “acceptable ones", like worry.
He does not just flippantly say “do not worry” and then leave us to flounder and flap in the wind like an untethered sail. He gives us anchor points. With these, that same wind can fill our sails and move us forward in a beautiful, fearless, and, yes, worry-free Kingdom life.
ANCHOR POINT #1: Truly understand and believe that God cares for every thing & especially every one. That includes you. This is no passive oversight. This is proactive passionate love. He absolutely wants what is best for you and He will care for you. Believe it, even when our sight and senses tell us life is spinning out of control, have faith.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7
Jesus uses the example of the father’s care for His creation - the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. He was speaking to people who were very literally worried about whether they would have food to feed their families or material to clothe them with. These are things most of us seldom worry about. We may worry about picking the right clothes out of a closet full of choices. We may worry about eating too much food and gaining weight. These are lightweight concerns compared to those Jesus spoke to. But He told them, "do not worry."
It is not that God cares for us LIKE He cares for plants and animals. Oh, no. "How much more will He care for you" - created in His image, adopted as His dear child. “Oh, you of little faith,” Jesus says. There was another time He said that. It was a time that His disciples were filled with deep worry and great anxiety. They feared for their lives as the storms raged and the waves pounded their boat on the sea of Galilee. They woke Jesus crying “Save us!” Jesus woke up and said “You of little faith!”
Come on, Jesus! Surely it is okay to be a bit worried when you're about to drown and your life is at stake! But Jesus rebuked his disciples. Can the One who calmed literal storms calm the storms in our life too? Even our very life should be entrusted to God. Jesus said, “Do not worry about your life.” He said that it is what the pagans do. But we are different, we have a heavenly Father who knows our needs and cares for us deeply.
When my wife leaves our children for any significant period of time, she always says, “See you soon or in heaven.” In this, she consistently communicates that, because we are in God’s hands and His care, no matter what happens, we are okay. We need not worry even about our life. We will be together again one way or the other.
ANCHOR POINT #2: Understand and believe that God is strong enough to take care of you. Believe it! He is NOT impotent and He has not given us an impotent gospel. This abundant life in Him is a power-filled life! Yes, worry is impossible to stay away from in our own strength, but we no longer operate in our own strength but in the power of Christ’s own Spirit! He expects us to operate in that strength.
What did Jesus do after rebuking his disciples for being afraid of the storm? He calmed the storm! “Peace, be still.” He took care of it and he took care of his own. He wants to speak to the storms in your life. “Peace, be still” He told his disciples in John 14
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27
The prophet Isaiah says, So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. [41:10]
ANCHOR POINT #3: Remember your identity as a child of God the Father. After telling us not to worry as the pagans do, Jesus reminds us that our Heavenly Father knows what we need! HE KNOWS.
Look at what Paul says about this in Romans 8:
The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. ~ Romans 8:11-16
Paul says that we are no longer slaves, present tense. This is the freedom Christ offers. His sacrifice was not just for us to know we would eventually be unchained once we died or He returned. His freedom is here and now for us. Freedom, in this case, from fear.
Fear is the foundation of worry, and we have no use for a spirit of fear. God’s perfect love, made manifest through the power of His Spirit in us, drives out all fear and that should take worry with it. [1 John 4:18] The father of lies, the devil, will always try to make the things of this life seem bigger than anything we can handle. In fact, they often are bigger than we can handle. They are never bigger than God can handle. That is why we must turn our thoughts towards the Truth of our identity in Him. We must “take captive every thought to make it submit to Jesus.” When we do, the thought processes that lead us to worry are stopped short and we are, instead, reminded of the goodness and grace and power and love of our Father.
Understand your place in God’s family and His love for you and everything that might induce worry or stress pales in comparison, like a small pebble tossed in the ocean. Worry is swallowed up and gone. Kerr-plunk!
From Philippians 4:6-9: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
Prayer can fill the vacancy left by the absence of worry. Prayer opens us to this great peace beyond understanding. Through prayer, God takes our thoughts and puts them upon all things good and right, which is exactly what Jesus says at the end of his mountainside lesson on worry.
ANCHOR POINT #4: Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. This is, according to Jesus, the antidote to worry - to place God’s rule and reign, His Kingdom, first and to live the right way (righteousness). Placing our focus on the righteous King and His Kingdom affirms our identity in Him alone, not ourselves or anything lesser that might cause us worry. If we, instead, prioritize the things of this world above the Kingdom and the righteousness of Jesus, worry is the end result. We CANNOT depend on anything in this world. We CAN depend on the KING. He IS the right Way.
If fear is the foundation of worry, then PRIDE are the building blocks of it. We pridefully desire to be in control. Every aspect of life that we grasp “control” of brings with it a block of worry. These blocks build up until we have walled ourselves off from the very source of freedom that is given us, the Spirit of love and power and freedom in Christ Jesus. We tear down these walls, a.k.a. strongholds, of anxiety by handing control to the One who can handle the storms. “Peace, be still.”
Does the thought of being “out of control” worry you? Go back to Anchor Point #1, believe in God’s love for you; then #2, understand that He is strong enough to take care of you; then #3, remember whose you are and cast your cares on Him and, #4, put Him first above all else. Work through them all again, and again, and again until your sails are securely fastened to God’s truth of who He is, who we are in Him and the freedom His love gives us. Then the wind of the Spirit will fill the sails and you will venture into life fearlessly and without worry! The waves will still be there and the storms will still come but you will know the One who made the waves and calms the storms.
Is worry a sin? I don’t know for sure. If it is, of course the grace of God through Jesus will cover us when we sin. Worry is certainly not part of God’s will for your life. Do not follow an impotent gospel and just decide worry is something you have to live with. Don’t listen to lies…
“It is impossible to NOT worry!” With God, ALL things are possible. [Mark 10:27]
“I cannot imagine life void of stress.” God can do more than we could ask or imagine. [Eph. 3:20]
“I am powerless against it.” While we were still powerless, Christ died for us. [Romans 5:6]
Remember that His power is made perfect in your weakness. [2 Cor. 12:9] Jesus has all authority and we can move forward in that authority, in His Name and His Spirit, to leave worry behind and sail off, carried by the wind of His unending love.
written by Ken Shackelford, photo taken by Nik Shuliahin, used by permission via unsplash.com
Thankful - a Thanksgiving family update
2019 has been full of God's faithfulness giving us so many reasons to be thankful. There have been many challenges this year such as having to put my mother into full-time hospice care or seeing our daughter Bethany through a health crisis including heart surgery. Even through these hard times, we can count our blessings, and they are numberless. Many of you have asked for an update on our kids so here you go:
SHELBY is finishing her Masters in Teaching from Harding University and also getting a certification to teach English as a foreign language. She is doing this while working full-time as a 5th grade reading teacher at West Elementary in Batesville, Arkansas. She may possibly be teaching in China this summer or might spend time in Central Asia. Shelby has also become a Perspectives coordinator and has built a team, including all of us, to get Perspectives to Searcy for the first time ever this coming January!
BETHANY has finished her stateside midwifery requirements and is now studying for her certification exam. Many of you know of her health challenges this year which all started when she began passing out with no warning. After months of tests and procedures, including a surgical procedure correcting a heart issue, she finally received a diagnosis: Hashimoto's disease. She is dealing with that through prayer and diet and is doing much better. She is admin. work for Lumenations while preparing to join a team in South Asia next year.
ROBBIE & HENGRIDA were married in July of this year in Albania and have begun their life together close to us here in Searcy. CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT THEIR AMAZING STORY. They are doing really great! Robbie is working at Harding Univesity and Chick-fil-A and will be working toward a degree in International Business. Hengrida hopes to become a speech therapist. They eventually desire to do vocational missions either in Asia or Albania. Robbie will be traveling to London to speak at a youth conference and share his testimony of God’s faithfulness in his healing when he was younger and also share the story of he and Hengrida’s marriage.
JILLIAN is now 14 years old! She is an amazing singer and is becoming a bit of a songwriter as well. She has been a part of a couple of different choirs this year. She loves sewing and, of course, hanging out with friends.
JALYNN (Jay) is 12 and is our quiet gentle soul. She loves calligraphy and design of any kind - home design, fashion design - you name it. All of our children take piano lessons but she is really excelling at it.
JOSIE, 11, is the most outgoing and exuberant one of our younger five. She committed to follow Jesus this year and was baptized. CLICK HERE TO SEE PICS. She loves to cook and wants to be a chef. We often find her just going through the spices and seeing if she can recognize them just through the smell. She is always the first to try new things as well, especially new foods!
BRYAN is a 10 year old now. He is the happiest when he can make someone laugh (aka - he's a goofball). He loves archery and anything that involves a ball or a racquet and he can still get lost in his legos. He loves challenging his older brother to a game of chess but has yet to get the better of him.
ELLY turns eight this weekend! She is always full of life and loves to dance. Her dream is to be a ballerina! Elly has the amazing ability to make friends with everyone she meets. She is also amazingly artistic and loves drawing and painting.
TANJA stays very busy with a household of nine - homeschooling five of them! She spent a lot of time this year helping care for Ken’s mom before she was put into full-time hospice care in July. She stays connected to many of the missionaries we have known, discipled and counseled through the years as well. We host a house church on a weekly basis and often other groups on top of that.
You can stay on top of what I (KEN) am doing at our ministry web-site www.lumenations.org. Besides the global ministry which is taking me to five continents this past year and next year, we are trying to “practice what we preach” right here in Searcy. We want to do here what we are teaching and training people around the world to do - join in our co-mission with Jesus making disciples who make disciples. We are part of a traditional church here but we also put a lot of effort into our house church and reaching out to those around us. We will have almost 40 over for Thanksgiving, for example. Ken has stayed busy working with Shelby to get Perspectives kicked-off here in Searcy. He has also been asked to be a part of the “Vision Team” at Downtown Church to work with the Shepherds to better connect with God’s vision for this large congregational church moving forward in the coming years.
In all of this, we would LOVE TO BE CONNECTED TO YOU THROUGH PRAYER! If you would like to join our prayer team (you praying for us and us for you), go to www.lumenations.org/pray and sign up. Thanks and God bless!
- Ken
Meet the NEW Josie!
We are so proud of our sweet girl Josie who committed her life to following Jesus and took her first step of obedience by following His example and command in baptism. She's a new creation! @ Searcy, Arkansas
Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. ~ Romans 6:3-4 [ESV]
What a great faith-filled family we had gathered for Josie's baptism!
We had the whole Shack 10 together for the occasion.
From left, Kenneth, Josie, Robbie, Bryan, Shelby, Tanja, Bethany, Elly, Jillian, Jay
Happy New Year! Now BE STILL! :-)
New year’s resolution time! It is a good idea to have a special time, at LEAST annually, to take stock and make some resolutions to “do better” where one has been lacking in the past year. I think of Paul’s resolution as he was leaving Athens and heading to Corinth. He said that he “resolved to know nothing but Jesus Christ and Him crucified” (1 Cor. 2:2).
The video above is a song I wrote when I was helping to lead a summer camp that had as it’s theme for the summer “Be Still and Know”. I confess that I was NOT excited by this theme that I had inherited when I took the job as programming director of this camp. I would not have picked this as a theme for a summer camp if I had directed it for a hundred years. How was I supposed to design a camp where kids have the time of their lives - busy with lots of fun activities and, at the same time, teach them the importance of “being still”?!?
As I plunged in and began planning for the summer, I came to realize how radically counter-cultural this very Biblical message was. The enemy of our eternal souls does all he can to keep us from knowing God. One of his greatest tools is to keep us BUSY. He does NOT want us to slow down, reflect, take stock or seek truth in the quiet moments. Satan is happy for us to be busy, even if that busy-ness is doing good things, like ministry. Keep your foot on the gas. There’s SO MUCH to be done. (the snake whispers) Keep going. Keep spinning those wheels. Go! Get! Accelerate! Accomplish! Move! Meet! Program! Produce!
God says something different. He makes it clear when he says “Be still and know that I am God.” Take time to JUST be with me and you will KNOW me.
Think of all Jesus needed to accomplish in His ministry. He had three years to SAVE THE WORLD - three years to bring the Kingdom of God from heaven to earth. On top of that, He had this very limited amount of time to train up a group of rag tag disciples to continue His work, to multiply it, and to keep it alive until it spread to the “ends of the earth”. So, how did Jesus kick it off? He spent 40 days alone! Forty days doing “nothing” - or so it seemed in our subverted mentality of “productivity.” And throughout Christ’s ministry, He continued to get away and make time to be alone with His Father. He often left crowds to just be alone - crowds who were clamoring to be with Him. Wait! Weren’t those crowds the reason He came? How could he just up and leave them when He had so much to teach them, so many sick to heal, so many injustices to be made right?
If the very Son of God knew how much He needed to stop doing and spend time being, how on earth can I expect to be able to just stay busy and have what I need to live out God’s calling for my life?
I resolve to be still and know, know nothing but Jesus, forget everything but Him and what His sacrifice means for me. I will prioritize time to just BE with my dear friend, my sweet Spirit, my big brother, my faithful Father, my everlasting King. I will not forsake my first love for an affair with His ministry.*
My song says, “Be still and know that God is real.” I need the absolute reality of God to saturate every part of my life. One thing you will notice is that the song, like our lives each day, starts off slow and peaceful but quickly gets busy with all the parts going at the same time. The parts are all stating truth but, in their busy-ness, it can be hard to hear and know what is going on. As the song comes to a close, though, it simplifies, softens and we see that “He leads me beside the quiet waters, I am still and know that God is real.”
Be sensitive to God’s leading, and let Him lead you away from the rush to a quiet place with Him. Know Him.
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
~ Lamentations 3:25-26
* my friend Jim Hall has a sign in his office with this statement - a great and needed reminder.
OUR THANKSGIVING TOP TEN FOR 2018
We have thousands of reasons to be thankful! (literally, check out this blog to see for yourself) But, for now, here are our top ten...
(click on a pic for more information or for more of the story!)
The only way we can continue our global Kingdom ministry is through the amazing and generous supportof churches, friends and family. So many of our supporters have “stuck with us” through past transitions - some have been with us all the way back to the Jade Tree Project! We are so humbled and blessed and thankful for all who give financially to support our ministry and the work of Lumenations.
When we left Albania, we prayed that the Kingdom work we were a part of would continue. We also desired to return regularly to encourage and bless that continuing work. In July of this year, Robbie and I (Ken) were able to return and witness God’s continued blessings in Elbasan and the surrounding villages. I was especially thankful to see the discipleship training materials we developed being used in many places around Albania and being reproduced and passed on to others who we don’t even know! We give thanks for this great work in Albania.
We are blessed to see this visionthat we call Lumenationsbecoming a reality. Lumenations started officially in January. This has been a foundation-building year and we have had many challenges that we continue to see God help us overcome. We know the success of this work is completely in His hands and we trust Him to use us well. We give thanks for our first year of Lumenations!
In early June of this year, our first Lumenations “story-gathering trip” became a reality when I went to Rwandaand was super blessed to be joined there by his nephew Jonathan Shackelford. We prayed for open hearts and opportunities to capture Kingdom discipleship work there. God answered our prayer! We learned so much in this first trip and we are so thankful for the opportunity.
One of our goals for the first year of Lumenations was to recruit at least one individual who would catch the vision and want to join us full-time. Since this is a new organization, we knew that individual, couple or family would have to possess a pioneering spirit and be willing to truly step out in faith. We are thrilled that Aaron Leongcaught the vision and that he and Kimberlyare that answer to prayer!
We know that you can be at “home” no matter where in the world God places you and we miss those we’ve lived near in the past. After over a decade of living a somewhat nomadic life full of dramatic transitions (including living in three different homes just this year), it has been a true blessing to “settle in” to our new home in Searcy. Our kids have tons of friends in the neighborhood. We are near much of our extended family and are able to help care for older parents in need. We’ve also been blessed with a great communityof faithful friends. We’ve plugged into a great church and we’ve also started a wonderful house church that meets twice a month. We give thanks for a place called “home”.
We are thankful for our older children and their passion for the King and His Kingdom. Robbieis now a certified automotive technician and will be heading to Searcy to prepare for his fiancé’s eventual arrival, sometime next year. We are thankful for his passion for disciple-making. Bethanywill head to Northwest Arkansas this weekend to finish out her stateside midwifery requirements. She has connected with an amazing group going to work in one of the “stan” countries - the one she has felt God leading her too. We love her heart for the “least of these” and passion for the unreached. Shelbyhas been in Searcy since August helping care for my mom while going to grad school and working as a graduate assistant at Harding University. We are seeing so many open doors for her as she continues to bless and reach out to internationals. We are thankful for her gifts of creative leadership and outreach! And also, Jillian, who is now a teenager, is really blooming as a young lady of God and is an amazing “big sister” to her new siblings.
God moves in amazing ways and we have seen Him do a beautiful work in the betrothalof Robbie to Hengrida Biçakuin Albania. Hengrida is really an amazing young woman of faith and we look forward to her arrival in the states and their life together in marriage. If you have not read about the story of how this came about and would like to, you can click on the picture to go my blog post written while in Albania.
Today marks exactly two years since we made our “Shack family 2.0” announcement! We are SO THANKFUL that Jalynn, Josie, Bryan and Ellyare now officiallypart of our Shackelford clan. Earlier this year in the month of June, we went to the Okmulgee, Oklahoma courthouse to have our adoptionof these beautiful children certified by the judge. We give thanks for our growing family!
We are seeing our younger four grow so much in their relationship with Jesus and their family of God. We were so blessed to see the first-fruits of this with our 11-year-old Jalynn’s commitment to follow Jesus and her step of obedience to Him through baptism! We were grateful to share this with three of our four sets of grandparents as well!
Heavenly Arrangement
Written by Ken, August of 2018 [see 2019 update below this plus so updated pictures]
Tanja and I love to pray. We believe prayer is powerful and effective. We've been blessed with so many stories of prayer being answered in undeniably supernatural ways. That, of course, leads us to believe in prayer even more.
We have also discovered over the years that prayer is not a one-way conversation. It has taken a while and a lot of practice but we have learned it is just as important to be quiet and listen in prayer as it is to talk to God.
One particular subject of conversation in prayer has been, of course, our children. We probably pray for them more than anything else. We talk to God about every aspect of our children's lives, their health, their friendships, their hopes and dreams and especially their relationship with God. As they have grown up, we have often prayed for their future spouses as well.
About 4 or 5 years ago, we met a family in the church we were leading in Albania. From the very beginning, I sensed something special about the Biçaku family. There was just a special presence of God's peace covering over them. The husband and wife clearly loved each other and loved their children - four girls and a boy. The children, all of them, were very respectful of their parents and very well behaved which is sometimes a rarity in Albania as it is in many places around the world.
The only picture we have of the two of them was in a breakout group during church. This was the very Sunday morning that I met the Biçaku family, including Hengrida, and felt the Lord speak to my heart.
When I first met their daughter Hengrida, I felt God speaking to my heart that this was the girl I had been praying for - for my son Robbie. At the time, she was 13 or 14 years old and he was just a couple of years older so I simply tucked that word from the Lord away for continued prayer. As I continued the ministry in Albania, though, I took special note of her family and of her. Hengrida always had a beautiful smile on her face. She was always looking for ways to serve and loved helping out with the children at church. She just had the light of Jesus' love flowing out of her.
I shared with Tanja what I felt God had said to me and she joined me in prayer and also in observing Hengrida and her family. ...and we continued to pray.
In the fall of last year, I noticed on Facebook that Hengrida's older sister, Qendresa, was betrothed. In Albania, it is still quite normal to do arranged marriages. Early this year, as I was praying, I felt God leading me to go ahead and talk to Robbie about Hengrida. Robbie and I sat down in my office one morning before he was to leave to return home to Kansas City. I said, "This is going to sound strange and quite counter-cultural." He was probably thinking, "What's new?" [We're a pretty counter-cultural family in case you didn’t know that already.] I continued, "I am only going to share this with you once and ask you to pray about it. I will trust that you can hear from God about this one way or the other." I shared with him about Hengrida and her family and said that I felt that God wanted me to arrange a marriage for you with her. In Albania, unmarried single guys and girls don't do much with each other, especially if they are from conservative families, and the Biçaku's are pretty conservative - in a good way. So even though Robbie and Hengrida went to the same church for over a year, they had not really talked much. Robbie knew her and her family and they, of course, knew us but that was about it.
Robbie agreed to pray about it. He actually fasted and prayed for a few weeks. He told his mom and I over the phone that, yes, he believes that this is what God wants for his future. Having lived in Albania, he understood quite clearly the serious nature of this arrangement. This is not something you do lightly and it is absolutely not something you propose and then back out of.
We proceeded to communicate with Maksut and Mirjeta, Hengrida's parents, through mutual friends, Nick Wakely and his wife Sarah. The Biçakus were understandably quite surprised by this news from far away America. We asked if they would pray about it and, if they were in agreement, share this with Hengrida. We also asked, even though this is not culturally expected, that Hengrida have a say in the matter. We really wanted to make sure she had time to pray and hear from God on this as well. After several weeks of prayer, they communicated back to us and said that they also agreed that this was an arrangement made, literally, in heaven. Robbie and Hengrida began communicating via video chat and messaging. They have spent the past couple of months enjoying getting to know each other and falling in love.
Yesterday, my son and I arrived in Albania and, in the evening, we met with the family to do the official betrothal. Though jet-lagged and tired, Robbie was very excited and also quite nervous! I asked Maksut for his daughter to join our family through marriage to my son and he said, "Yes! Of course!" We ate and drank together. Robbie also asked for his blessing to marry his daughter. Maksut stood up, walked over to Robbie and Hengrida, laid his hands on their heads and prayed a beautiful prayer of blessing. As the sun was setting, we looked out of their apartment balcony and noticed a beautiful double rainbow in the sky. This felt like a little kiss from God and a beautiful promise of a blessed life together.
As I write this, I am sitting in a cafe in Elbasan, Albania. I just dropped Robbie and Hengrida off at the top of a small mountain overlooking the city. Even though we have gone the traditional route of arranging this marriage and doing the betrothal with the family, Hengrida also wanted the "western-style proposal." Maybe, at this very moment, Robbie is on his knee, holding out his arm with a diamond ring in hand and a very important question on his tongue. Though the answer to that question has been prayerfully pre-arranged by God and family and the parties involved, it carries no less weight. In fact, I believe it carries even more meaning than the romantic surprise questions being popped and put on Facebook for the world to see. I can't describe in words how much this entire thing has been saturated with the wonderful Holy Spirit of God.
Do they know all they could know about each other before making this commitment to marriage? No, no engaged couple does. Will they continue to get to know each other more and more after they are married? Yes, every marriage is a journey of greater and greater knowledge of one's partner. Will there be days in their marriage that are hard and forgiveness is needed as well as a decision to keep on loving even if the feeling isn't there? Yes, every marriage will have those days and that is why every married couple needs God and His grace. Every couple in covenant relationship must understand that love is a daily decision and only the Spirit of Christ gives us the strength to do this. Do they need our prayers? I certainly hope so, who doesn't? Is an arranged marriage between an American boy and a European girl in the 21st century strange? Yes, of course, but maybe it should not be so. I can say that this particular arranged marriage sure feels good and right and purposeful and blessed and filled to the brim with that special unconditional love whose source is found in Christ alone. SEE UPDATE BELOW
GALLERY OF THEIR ENGAGEMENT PICTURES:
GALLERY OF THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY:
VIDEO OF HENGRIDA'S BAPTISM A FEW DAYS AFTER THEIR ENGAGEMENT:
UPDATE: Now over a year from when I wrote this. Robbie got back to the states and got busy working on a fiancé visa. He also worked two jobs trying to save enough to be able to go to Albania and bring her back. In July of this year, he was able to do just that. 21-year-old Robbie married 19-year-old Hengrida. The did a church wedding in Albania with her family (see below) and a legally-binding marriage here in the states. There have been a lot of complications with governmental bureaucracy in getting her Social Security card and Green Card so that has delayed some things as they try to get by on his minimum-wage job. They both plan to finish university together. Most importantly, they love God dearly and no one can be around them without clearly witnessing the love God has given them for each other. It is truly a beautiful thing.
Twice Adopted
We are so proud of our daughter Jalynn Grace (11). She committed her life to Jesus today and followed His example and command in baptism. We rejoice in her new life in Christ and adoption into the family of God.
